[New-Poetry] from the Writer's Almanac

[Judy Prince]

Yes, you've noted what at least one of our resident metrics experts has
noted, Mole.
Baer's poem's initially cute, but hasn't the imaginative power to deliver an
um imaginative vehicle for it.  And we guess that since he'd chosen an 'old'
'strict' form [sonnet], he might've strengthened his poem's satire with the
'old' iambic pentameter scheme.  He didn't, and it's clunky and bumpy.
A friend notes that Sylvia Plath, tho, succeeded rather well at something
akin to it:

An Applicant by Sylvia Plath

First, are you our sort of a person?
Do you wear
A glass eye, false teeth or a crutch,
A brace or a hook,
Rubber breasts or a rubber crotch,

Stitches to show something's missing? No, no? Then
How can we give you a thing?
Stop crying.
Open your hand.
Empty? Empty. Here is a hand

To fill it and willing
To bring teacups and roll away headaches
And do whatever you tell it.
Will you marry it?
It is guaranteed

To thumb shut your eyes at the end
And dissolve of sorrow.
We make new stock from the salt.
I notice you are stark naked.
How about this suit----

Black and stiff, but not a bad fit.
Will you marry it?
It is waterproof, shatterproof, proof
Against fire and bombs through the roof.
Believe me, they'll bury you in it.

Now your head, excuse me, is empty.
I have the ticket for that.
Come here, sweetie, out of the closet.
Well, what do you think of that ?
Naked as paper to start

But in twenty-five years she'll be silver,
In fifty, gold.
A living doll, everywhere you look.
It can sew, it can cook,
It can talk, talk , talk.

It works, there is nothing wrong with it.
You have a hole, it's a poultice.
You have an eye, it's an image.
My boy, it's your last resort.
Will you marry it, marry it, marry it.

------------------------------------

2009/5/3 TheOldMole <Opus40-01 at opus40.org>

> Well, I claim a back seat to no one when it comes to worthlessness, but
> these are the lines that clunk on my ear a bit:
>
> without qualm, scruple, or further delay
>
> I can scan it as a 4-stress line easily enough:
>
> withOUT// qualm, SCRU//ple, or FUR//ther deLAY
>
> but when I try to get 5 stresses out of it, it comes out more like
>
> withOUT// qualm, SCRU//ple, OR//furTHER// deLAY
>
> And line 6 hits me as
>
> >too MA//ny HOURS //of UN//needED //durESS,
>
> -- I don't have any problem making "hours" a one-syllable word -- I
> remember we recently talked about an issue like this in regard to the
> question of whole rhyme,
>
> I can scan
>
> uncertain working conditions, and endless stress.
>
> but it feels clunky two me, with extra unstressed syllables in the middle
> that take up too much room.
>
> As I said, I'm no authority here. But if I'd written the poem (if I had the
> wit -- I do like most of the poem), I would have tried to rework those lines
> to make them sound better to my ear.
>
>
>
>
> Chris Lott wrote:
>
>> On Sun, May 3, 2009 at 10:29 AM, TheOldMole <Opus40-01 at opus40.org> wrote:
>>
>>> Speaking as the worthless guy, it makes no difference if the lines don't
>>> get
>>> in the way of your appreciation of the poem, some difference if they do.
>>>
>>> I wonder, though -- are there any elements of craft that are worth
>>> discussing, or is scansion the only worthless one?
>>>
>>
>> Worthless might be putting it too harshly (about elements of craft, it
>> is CERTAINLY not applicable to you)... but in practical terms the fact
>> that scansion is so personalized makes it rather less valuable, or at
>> least moves it into a different-- and honestly more interesting-- area
>> of interest.
>>
>> More importantly, I wasn't as interested in an argument as I was (and
>> still am) in simply seeing how different people scan the lines in
>> question. I mean, since it was explicitly brought up... If that could
>> be done without arguing about right and wrong (that's the worthless
>> part), it would be very interesting. Anyone care to share their
>> interpretation?
>>
>> Personally, I think all elements of craft are worth discussing, even
>> if sometimes particular claims might be of dubious value.
>>
>> c
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>>
>>
> --
> Tad Richards
> Read my NY Writing Careers Examiner column today!
> http://www.examiner.com/x-2862-NY-Writing-Careers-Examiner
>
> http://www.opus40.org/tadrichards/
> http://opusforty.blogspot.com/
>
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