[New-Poetry] Forever Let Go

[Halvard Johnson]

What's a poet doing trying to get a point across?

Hal

"There is a single tree in Vardø, a rowan
which the residents protect each winter by
building a house around it."

Halvard Johnson
================
halvard at earthlink.net
http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard/index.html
http://entropyandme.blogspot.com
http://imageswithoutwords.blogspot.com
http://www.hamiltonstone.org
http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard/vidalocabooks.html




On Mar 24, 2008, at 4:03 PM, TheOldMole wrote:

> There are just a couple of things I'd cut.
>
> "neither old nor new, but familiar" -- if it's familiar, and neither  
> old nor new, maybe you don't need to say that. A wild drive that's  
> pegged is strong enough, gets your message across.
>
>
> "Heights of ambition" is a bit of a cliche, and not needed -- the  
> flight above Kilimanjaro has its own resonance. Maybe not "soar"  
> either -- "wings" and "soar" fit together a little too easily, and  
> it's not a word often used in any other phrase.
>
> And the clinching of trophies to me is so much stronger than the  
> dream of flight -- you don't need the dream, you have the actuality.
>
>
> It's always easy to tell people to cut things out of a poem, so much  
> so that lately I've become hesitant about doing it. But so often as  
> poets we're afraid that we mght not have gotten our point across,  
> and if we just say a little more...
>
>
> Sigauke, Emmanuel wrote:
>> Fellow poets,
>>
>>
>> Could you please provide feedback on the poem below?  What's  
>> working, and what's not. Does is sound interesting to you. Does it  
>> grab your attention? Is it a waste of your time?
>>
>> Thank you in advance.
>>
>>
>>
>> FOREVER LET ME GO <http://sigaukepoetry.blogspot.com/2007/10/forever-let-me-go.html 
>> >
>>
>>
>>
>> Celebrate this surge of confidence,
>>
>>
>> the roar of a lion
>>
>>
>> that has not leapt for prey
>>
>>
>> for far too long, impetus
>>
>> splintering the dome of despair.
>> Now that I can declare you, wild drive,
>> now that you have pegged your home neither old nor new, but  
>> familiar, Let    me     go.
>>
>>
>> Give me wings to soar
>>
>> above the Kilimanjaro heights of ambition
>> to look down and declare in turn
>>
>> the eruption of rivers, the swell of oceans
>>
>> as mountains dance to the clap of my wings.
>>
>> Give me the courage to traverse the paths
>>
>> Which you walked, long before I knew
>>
>> There would be voices rioting for my attention,
>> Long before I dreamt about flight
>>
>> The clinching of trophies; long before I knew
>>
>> The sound of the victory chorus.
>>
>>
>> ________________________________
>>
>> From: new-poetry-bounces at wiz.cath.vt.edu on behalf of Anny Ballardini
>> Sent: Sun 3/23/2008 2:11 PM
>> To: New Poetry
>> Subject: [New-Poetry] Manual Handling
>>
>>
>> I do not know if it will be the same for you, but I just kept on  
>> laughing inside:
>> Mr. James Davies is interested in our safety.
>>
>> See how:
>>
>> http://www.beardofbees.com/davies.html <http://www.beardofbees.com/davies.html 
>> >
>> Best,
>>
>>
>> Eric Elshtain
>> Editor
>> Beard of Bees Press
>> http://www.beardofbees.com <http://www.beardofbees.com/>   
>> ________________________________
>>
>> Anny Ballardini
>> http://annyballardini.blogspot.com/
>> http://www.fieralingue.it/modules.php?name=poetshome
>> http://www.moriapoetry.com/ebooks.html
>> I Tell You: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a  
>> dancing star!
>>
>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> New-Poetry mailing list
>> New-Poetry at wiz.cath.vt.edu
>> http://wiz.cath.vt.edu/mailman/listinfo/new-poetry
>
> -- 
> Tad Richards
> http://www.opus40.org/tadrichards/
> http://opusforty.blogspot.com/
>
> The moral is this: in American verse,
> The better you are, the pay is worse.
> --Corey Ford
>
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