[New-Poetry] Forever Let Go

[Anny Ballardini]

Hi Emmanuel,

what I think needs reworking is the following stanza:

Give me wings to soar



above the Kilimanjaro heights of ambition

to look down and declare in turn



the eruption of rivers, the swell of oceans


as mountains dance to the clap of my wings.


Words that I love, but I think they do not fit with the post and past and 
below and all that story. You might keep the same words and play with the 
form. Something like:

Mountains dancing to the clap of wings
Above Kilimanjaro heights _my ambition
Down below:
Eruption / swell of rivers / oceans
Daring / soaring
With the wings you gave me

it is very powerful. I like your writings, take care, Anny

From: "Sigauke, Emmanuel " <Sigauke at crc.losrios.edu>
Sent: Monday, March 24, 2008 5:30 PM



Fellow poets,




Could you please provide feedback on the poem below?  What's working, and 
what's not. Does is sound interesting to you. Does it grab your attention? 
Is it a waste of your time?



Thank you in advance.





FOREVER LET ME GO 
<http://sigaukepoetry.blogspot.com/2007/10/forever-let-me-go.html>





Celebrate this surge of confidence,


the roar of a lion


that has not leapt for prey


for far too long, impetus


splintering the dome of despair.

Now that I can declare you, wild drive,
now that you have pegged your home
neither old nor new, but familiar,
Let    me     go.



Give me wings to soar

above the Kilimanjaro heights of ambition
to look down and declare in turn

the eruption of rivers, the swell of oceans

as mountains dance to the clap of my wings.



Give me the courage to traverse the paths

Which you walked, long before I knew

There would be voices rioting for my attention,

Long before I dreamt about flight

The clinching of trophies; long before I knew

The sound of the victory chorus.


________________________________

From: new-poetry-bounces at wiz.cath.vt.edu on behalf of Anny Ballardini
Sent: Sun 3/23/2008 2:11 PM
To: New Poetry
Subject: [New-Poetry] Manual Handling


I do not know if it will be the same for you, but I just kept on laughing 
inside:

Mr. James Davies is interested in our safety.

See how:

http://www.beardofbees.com/davies.html 
<http://www.beardofbees.com/davies.html>

Best,


Eric Elshtain
Editor
Beard of Bees Press
http://www.beardofbees.com <http://www.beardofbees.com/>

________________________________

Anny Ballardini
http://annyballardini.blogspot.com/
http://www.fieralingue.it/modules.php?name=poetshome
http://www.moriapoetry.com/ebooks.html
I Tell You: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing 
star!




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