[New-Poetry] Forever Let Go

[shin02143 at aol.com]

 It's a good poem, Emmanuel, has a soaring feel to it. I just don't understand lines 6-9 (yes, I know the poem's title relates to line 9, but these lines seem very inward unlike the outward emotionality of the rest of the poem, that's not necessarily a bad thing imo, it just doesn't seem to me to fit here in its present form). I like "impetus splintering the dome of despair", nice. "Kilimanjaro heights" seems a tad forced. All in all a good first attempt. I suggest keeping the first draft but futzing with it in a separate file and see what happens. JMO of course.
Rick


-----Original Message-----
From: Sigauke, Emmanuel  <Sigauke at crc.losrios.edu>
Sent: Mon, 24 Mar 2008 12:30 pm
Subject: RE: [New-Poetry] Forever Let Go











Fellow poets, 


 

Could you please provide feedback on the poem below?  What's working, and what's 
not. Does is sound interesting to you. Does it grab your attention? Is it a 
waste of your time? 

 

Thank you in advance. 


 


FOREVER LET ME GO <http://sigaukepoetry.blogspot.com/2007/10/forever-let-me-go.html>  



 


Celebrate this surge of confidence,


the roar of a lion


that has not leapt for prey


for far too long, impetus 


splintering the dome of despair.  

Now that I can declare you, wild drive,
now that you have pegged your home 
neither old nor new, but familiar, 
Let    me     go. 



Give me wings to soar

above the Kilimanjaro heights of ambition
to look down and declare in turn

the eruption of rivers, the swell of oceans

as mountains dance to the clap of my wings. 

 

Give me the courage to traverse the paths

Which you walked, long before I knew

There would be voices rioting for my attention, 

Long before I dreamt about flight

The clinching of trophies; long before I knew

The sound of the victory chorus.


________________________________

From: new-poetry-bounces at wiz.cath.vt.edu on behalf of Anny Ballardini
Sent: Sun 3/23/2008 2:11 PM
To: New Poetry
Subject: [New-Poetry] Manual Handling


I do not know if it will be the same for you, but I just kept on laughing 
inside:
 
Mr. James Davies is interested in our safety.

See how:

http://www.beardofbees.com/davies.html <http://www.beardofbees.com/davies.html> 

Best,


Eric Elshtain
Editor
Beard of Bees Press
http://www.beardofbees.com <http://www.beardofbees.com/> 
 
________________________________

Anny Ballardini
http://annyballardini.blogspot.com/
http://www.fieralingue.it/modules.php?name=poetshome
http://www.moriapoetry.com/ebooks.html
I Tell You: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing star! 



 





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